Blog 5th of March 2017

The transforming effects of facing a loss

A loss transforms people. After a loss you will never be the same again.

Have you lost a loved one? A child? Father or mother? A friend? Each of us, sooner or later, will have to face a loss, and feel the pain and the terrible emptiness that comes when you realise that you'll no longer see that precious person in the physical world.
Experiences in my practice and my own life tells me that our mourning follows a certain path.

Grief is not a linear process whereby everyone experiences the same feelings. 

Depending on the individual, all stages will vary in length or may even be skipped. Some people get stuck in the phase of denial or anger, and others deal with the rollercoaster of feelings and emotions more easily and may even experience something spiritual.

When I lost my father in September, I consciously opted to withdraw to Spain for a week right after his funeral. Spain was my father's favourite country. From the moment I arrived at the airport, I knew that it was going to be a tough but healing journey. It felt as though he was with me, and it was his job to guide me to meaningful places for my bereavement. He led me to the wonderful 'Ronda', an ancient city in Andalusia. When I arrived at the square, a charming violinist was playing the famous "Adagio", the opening song of my dad's funeral. Goose bumps, signs, synchronicity ... they are real for those who want to feel and who dares to open their heart. Emotion, in times of grief, can be so powerful, at least that's how I experienced it.

Everything seemed different than before. The late summer sun was never so sacred. Staring endlessly to the clouds in which I could see my father's face, the feel of sand on my skin gave me warmth - everything suddenly became so much more intense, and it gave me strength.
On October 1st, I returned home and I really felt like I came back with a much lighter and richer soul, ready to restart my busy job with a heart full of confidence.

Death is not the end, My father's energy is with me every second of the day. I talk to him, I feel his presence.

Death transforms those who leave, as well as their relatives.
What I find important for mourning people, is to fulfil their need for a safe place and to confide in a person they can trust to express their feelings. Allow your sorrow, your pain, and your anger ... it so healing. Everyone has their own way of grieving, and it deserves to be respected. There's no such thing as 'wrong' mourning.

I read a wonderful book during my grieving period titled, "The Day My Father Turned Into An Angel" by Marie-Claire van der Bruggen. It was particularly appropriate and healing for me. An absolute must for anyone experiencing a loss! Additionally, books by Manu Keirse's are also very inspiring.

Does this article sound familiar to you?
Do you have any questions?
Or would you like to share the experiences of your loss?

For those who are facing a loss, I wish you a soft mourning process and lots of love and light.

Strength, Enlightenment & Trust,
Lieve Plasch 🍀,
 Lic. Psychology

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